


let it go

by leiasfate



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Agony, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt, Emotional pain, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Grief, Reference to idontmind, Survivor’s Guilt, dark kara, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:20:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiasfate/pseuds/leiasfate
Summary: Kara realizes she doesn’t have to keep struggling anymore. She needs to move on.And she takes the steps she needs to in order to achieve that. Until someone comes to wreck her life again.Set after 3x10.





	1. Chapter 1

__Kara waited for Mon-El to arrive at the bar, she asked him to meet her there because she wanted to discuss something important with him.

Okay, maybe she was exaggerating it a little, but that was the only way he would agree to come.

What she really wanted was closure. Since she woke up from the coma, she realized she couldn’t keep living half a life because of her sorrow and heartbreak.

She needed closure. She needed to move on.

She packed all the things that were his on her apartment and put them in a box, but she would’ve be lying if she said she didn’t feel anything at all while doing it.

She felt devastated.

He had many different t-shirts and plaid shirts, with his smell, even after seven months.

She packed his Romeo and Juliet book, the one that he loved to compare to their relationship, and it turned out he was right to compare the two, because their love didn’t triumph either.

She wanted to keep it. It was hers, too, in every way, because he dedicated the best quotes of the book to her: “the brightness of her cheek would shame those stars.”

But she couldn’t.

  
She packed his Mike Matthews glasses. The ones she bought for him.

 

* * *

  
“ _Perfect! Yes, now you just need glasses.”_

_“Oh, I’ve got that covered, thank you.”_

_He put on ridiculous sunglasses. Rao, he was such a dork._

_She wanted to laugh until her lungs didn’t have any air left._

_“No, no. Like real glasses, like mine. Well, they’re not real but they keep it so no one knows I’m Supergirl.”_

_“I’m pretty sure no one’s gonna mistake me for Supergirl.” He smiled._

_His smile was so cute._

_And he looked so handsome with that bowtie._

_She chuckled. “I know, but, maybe someday you’ll want to help people the way I do, in which case this will come in handy so no one knows Mon-El is Mike.”_

_“Who’s Mike?” He asked, clearly confused._

_“You are. Mike Matthews.”_

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

She shuddered at the memory.

Mon-El had really come a long way, from being a selfish Daxamite to being a hero.

Kara was so proud.

She would never tell him, but when she saw him on the battlefield when she woke up, her heart was filled with the joy of seeing him become the hero she always knew he could be.

But there would always be obstacles. And she was tired of it.

_Let it go._

Her mind seemed to repeat those words like a mantra, and her heart finally agreed.

It was time. She couldn’t keep this up. Depression made her feel so low, so demotivated.

She also couldn’t sleep. Even after his return, she kept dreaming about him dying, or about him saying mean words to her.

* * *

****

_Kara walked through what seemed like an abandoned city, taking in the sight of the wrecked buildings and streets._

_The air smelled like smoke and blood, even though there was no one around._

_Or that’s what she thought._

_As she stood in the street, looking at everything, a voice called from behind her._

_“Liking the visual?”_

_She turned around to see who it was. Mon-El._

_“Mon-El? Where are we? What happened?”_

_He chuckled darkly. “Don’t you see, Kara? This is your fault. You destroyed the world. You let Reign win, and this is the result. This is the future. You destroy everything you touch, Kara Zor-El. You couldn’t even keep me.”_

_Kara’s mind was reeling. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t. She would never let something like that happen._

_“No. This isn’t real. You’re lying.”_

_“But of course it is. This is your fault. And you still wonder why I chose Imra over you. She would never do this.”_

_“No! No!”_

_She woke up, drenched in sweat._

* * *

 

She didn’t even want to get out of bed some days. It wasn’t healthy.

Of course, she knew she needed to talk about it. Because her mind mattered.

But it was still hard for her to speak out, even to Alex.

Eventually she would manage to do it.

The first step was to cut her ties to him.

That’s why, when he arrived, she was ready to face it.

Mon-El walked rapidly into the bar, his shoulders tense, looking for her.

When his eyes met hers, he visibly relaxed and approached her.

“Kara, thank Rao. I thought something bad happened.” He breathed out, as if he’d been running.

“No, it’s not like that at all,” she half-smiled, “I just needed to tell you something, or rather, give you something back.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “What is it?”

“Yeah, let me just...” she reached under the table and grabbed the box, “give you this.”

He looked at it, hesitant. She nodded for him to search through it.

She couldn’t even describe what she saw on his face when he realized what was inside. She didn’t want to know either.

_Let it go._

“W-Why are you giving this to me?” His voice was rough.

Her heart betrayed her again, it started racing. But she had to keep her cool.

“I figured that you were tired of the DEO hoodies, and needed clothes, not a big deal.” She kept her voice neutral.

Except it was really big deal.

Mon-El’s eyes were bewildered. “Well, thanks.”

She almost didn’t ask him, because he was so overwhelmed by his past.

But she couldn’t let this chance pass, because she would never get the courage to do it in another opportunity.

“Since we’re talking about giving stuff back, I wanted to ask you for my mother’s necklace.” She blurted out.

“W-What?” He looked up from his clothes, completely dazzled.

“It’s mine, and since I’m giving you your things back, perhaps I could get my necklace.” Wow, she hadn’t intended to sound so rude.

But it would do the trick.

“I don’t... I mean I—-“ he looked away, but pulled it out of his shirt and fiddled with it. “You’re right. It is yours. I don’t have any right to have it anymore.”

“You don’t.” Her heart felt cold.

His eyes flashed, and he reached to the back of his neck to undo the lock. “Here it is.”

She could tell it pained him to let go of it. But she had been in pain for a long time to.

She was doing the right thing. Moving on.

He placed it in her hand, his fingers lingering there and sending a wave of electricity through her veins. She pulled away.

“Thank you.”

Mon-El shifted in his chair, cleared his throat and looked directly into her eyes.

No, no, not those grey puppy eyes.

“Kara, why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” She said nonchalantly.

“This. You’re being cold and you gave me back my things.”

“Mon-El, I never got what you did. You got time and closure. You moved on.” She sighed. “Now it’s my turn. I got my closure, because I know what happened to you, you’re here. I’m moving on. I’m done trying to get you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m done. You can relax now. I’m not going to be pining after you anymore. You can be free.”

Rao, she felt like she was stabbing herself with a knife with every word.

“Kara, I—“

She interrupted him. “It’s okay, Mon-El. It’s not going to be awkward between us anymore. We’ll go back to being partners, we’ll go out for club soda and I’ll rant about CatCo and Snapper and you can complain about your disagreements with J’onn and I’ll give you advice. It will be good.”

He closed his eyes, and then opened them again. “Yeah, I guess I thought one day—“

Her phone rang with a text. It was from James.

“Well, duty calls.” She waved her phone at him. “Bye, Mon-El. I’ll see you around.”

“Goodbye...”

She pretended her soul wasn’t leaving her body every step she took away from him.

 

 

 

Kara used her super-hearing to search for his voice, in the quietness of the night.

There it was.

“The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars.”

No.

Of all the things he could have been saying, he said that.

 

 

She screamed. She let her pain out in her scream.

 

The scream was filled with so much agony that it would’ve shattered the hearts and minds of people who heard it.

And the tears fell.

This was for the best. This was the right thing to do.

_Let it go._

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Three days later._

  
Kara walked through the DEO waiting for a crime to fight, as usual, when Mon-El approached her.

Sometimes she forgot he practically lived there.

“Mon-El, to what do I owe the pleasure?” She put her best smile on.

“Just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing? Any crime to fight?” He returned her smile with one of his own.

But as it was usual now, his smile lacked joy and brightness. And that made Kara’s heart drop.

“I’m fine, everything’s good. I’ve been fighting some crime here and there but as we know, Reign has gone missing since the kryptonite shot.”

The truth was that Kara was still struggling with her feelings for him. Sure, she finally got the courage to give him his things back and ask for her necklace, but it hurt. At least she took a big step by doing that. She knew she only needed time.

“I’m glad,” Mon-El fidgeted with his fingers, “I was wondering if you wanted to come with Winn and I to eat burgers and milkshakes.”

Wait, what? He said ‘Winn and I’. Did that mean no wife? She wouldn’t be there? Wow.

Still, she was tempted to say no, because being around him still caused her pain. But she had promised they would be friends again. She needed to be mature.

“Yeah! Sure, when are we going?”

Mon-El smiled, this time the smile being so big it reached his ears. “Really? You’re coming? Well I was thinking we should go tonight.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it. You know I can’t say no to a milkshake.” She joked.

He laughed, and she could actually feel he was happy. That was music her ears.

His laugh was so contagious, she started laughing too.

Maybe the ‘moving on’ thing wasn’t going to be so easy.

They were interrupted by Winn’s voice coming through the comms. Damn it.

“Supergirl, you need to come here. We’ve got incoming.”

She turned to Mon-El. “Want to come with me?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 

“There’s a small ship approaching very quickly, we don’t know if it’s going to crash.” Winn, Alex, and J’onn were already there, watching the ship through the screen.

“I’m on it.” Kara flew away, looking for the ship.

Ah, she forgot to say goodbye to Mon-El.

_Let it go._

Right, she didn’t need to say goodbye to him.

She got sight of the ship, and it was definitely going to crash. At any second.

Quickly, she got hold of it and started trying to land it as safely as she could.

Well, at least there wasn’t too much damage.

 

Kara opened the ship’s door, and saw someone sitting on the pilot’s seat, unconscious. She turned the chair around.

Her breathing stopped, and she felt like she was going to faint.

It was Mon-El.

It was him. Mon-El. Mon-El of Daxam. The Prince. The love of her life.

And he didn’t have a beard.

Her shock left her paralyzed. She couldn’t hear or see anything, she was just lost inside her mind.

“Supergirl! Supergirl! What happened?” Alex snapped her out of it.

Kara gasped. She started hyperventilating, her breathing out of control.

“Kara! Please, say something. I know you’re in there.”

“A—Alex, send... help,” she struggled to say, “send J’onn. Just... J’o’nn. P-Please.”

“He’s already on his way. Just stay with me, okay? Breathe with me. One, two, three.”

“One... two, three.”

“Good. Un, deux, trois”

“Un, deux, trois.”

“Uno, dos, tres.”

“Uno, dos, tres.”

Her breathing started normalizing again. “Thank you.”

“We’ll talk when you come back, okay? Just be careful.”

J’onn entered the ship, clearly worried. “Kara, what—“

His eyes widened when he saw who was in front of him. “Mon-El. But how? He’s at the DEO.”

“I don’t know what’s happening. But we need to take him with us. He may be injured.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you feel good enough to fly?”

She didn’t. But she needed to find out what was happening as soon as possible. “Yes. Let’s go.”

 

“Kara!” Mon-El walked towards them as they landed. “What happened? I heard you were... wait, who is he?”

“Mon-El, I can’t talk to you right now, but trust me you and I are going to have a really nice talk. I need to take him to the med bay.”

“But he’s... me” His voice followed as she walked away.

Kara watched as they placed him in a bed and put yellow sun lamps near him. She really couldn’t believe it. Who was this Mon-El? Did that mean the other one was an impostor?

Her mind couldn’t even begin to figure it out. But she needed to talk to the conscious one.

“I’ll be here when you wake up. You won’t be alone.” She promised.

Just as she turned, she saw Mon-El standing behind her.

Everything was so confusing.

“Wow, he really does look like me. Except for the beard.”

“Are you kidding? He’s literally you.” Her tone was bitter.

“Why are you so upset?”

She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to ask that.

“I’m not.” She looked into his eyes, to see his reaction. “When I asked you if it was really you, did you lie to me?”

“No. I didn’t.” His eyes didn’t falter.

He probably was telling the truth. Or he was good at lying.

“You haven’t convinced me. I’m watching you.”

“Kara, it’s me. I’m serious.”

She ignored him.

“I’ll come back later, to see how he’s doing.” He left.

Her mind was a hurricane. She didn’t want to believe the conscious Mon-El, because he was different from what she remembered. And him being a fake would explain why he acted so weirdly.

The Mon-El on the bed was starting to move, mumbling nonsense.

“Guys! You need to come here. I think he’s starting to wake up.”

Alex, J’onn, Winn, and Mon-El got there in a flash.

Rao, what was he doing there? Things were going to get awkward.

“Okay, everyone, so we want to start with small questions...” J’onn started.

“No!” Kara interrupted, “He needs to adjust to his surroundings first.”

“Careful.” Alex glared at her.

She was already getting attached to a person she didn’t know. Alex was right.

A gasp came from the bed, and everyone turned their eyes to him.

He opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was her.

“Kara?”

Her heart started beating as fast as she could fly. “Yes, it’s me.” She sat on the bed, grabbing his hand.

“It’s you, finally. I found you.” He sat up and caressed her cheek.

She opened her mouth to say something, but got interrupted by a pair of lips on hers.

Mon-El was kissing her.

Her shock didn’t let her react at first, but she quickly pressed her lips to his, too, and held onto his neck like a lifeline.

That was it. He was hers. No one could tell her otherwise. That was the man she loved.

He broke the kiss, and looked at her with tears on his eyes.

”Kara, you don’t know how long I’ve been trying to find my way back. And I finally did. Rao, I love you. I promise I won’t leave you again.” He ran his fingers through her hair.

Kara couldn’t keep the tears from falling, this was all she had ever wanted, and it was real. “I love you too.”

 

A cough snapped them out of their bubble.

”We need to know where he’s from. Kara, start asking.” Alex said, annoyed.

Mon-El looked around the room, until he laid eyes on himself.

”Who the hell is he? Babe, what’s happening?”

He called her babe. She couldn’t be professional at that moment. She needed to take him away.

”He’s supposed to be you, but he’s not. We don’t have to do this interrogation right now. Do you want to go away with me?” She whispered so only he could hear.

Altough Kara was pretty sure the other Mon-El was hearing too.

”Yes, please. All I want is to be with you.”

With her super speed and strength, she picked him up and got out the nearest window.

”Kara! What the hell?! Come back!”

 

She wouldn’t listen to them. She took him away, so they could finally be alone.

 

They were going to be happy. Together.


	3. Chapter 3

“We’re here.” Kara said as they landed at her apartment.

“Wow, I never thought one day you’d pick me up in bridal style.” Mon-El joked.

She laughed. “Well, there’s a first time for everything.”

She looked at him, really looked at him. His eyes were as beautiful as she remembered, and his face just as stunning. It was her Mon-El, the bright, funny, full of joy Mon-El.

She knew he would always have her heart, no matter what came across them. They would always be together.

“Kara?” Mon-El touched her hand. “What happened? You’ve been staring at me with a smile on your face for like two minutes.”

Her smile got bigger. “I’m just... happy. It’s been really though being without you.”

He looked to the floor. “I know. I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve come back sooner. But I can tell you everything.”

“Yeah, you can. But... can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything.”

“Can we cuddle? While you tell me your story.”

He chuckled and sat on the couch, motioning for her to do the same. “Come here, babe.”

“I missed that, you know. I love when you call me babe.”

“I missed it too. I missed everything. I missed being home with you, like this.” He wrapped his arms around her torso.

“Now that we’re comfortable, you can tell me everything.”

“Are you sure no one will come looking for us?”

“If they know what’s best for them, they won’t.”

He kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes at the touch. “That’s my girl.”

“When I left Earth, a black hole started to form. I didn’t know what to do. It swallowed me, and I passed out. When I woke up, I was on a place with very high technology. I was told I landed in the 31st century. You have no idea the pain that caused me.” He closed his eyes. “I couldn’t believe it, but I had to accept it was the truth. I looked everywhere I could to gather information about you. I found out that after you defeated the daxamites, you were never the same. Supergirl was never the same. I felt so guilty.”

“Hey,” she looked up at him, “it’s not your fault, okay? Don’t blame yourself.”

He nodded. “I knew I needed to find my way back, but that future I was in was in danger, and I couldn’t ignore it. I wanted to make you proud.”

Kara’s heart jumped with joy. That boy really cared about her, and loved her.

She couldn’t be more happy. “I am proud of you. Very.”

“That’s all I ever wanted to hear.” He smiled. “I fought crime, but I realized I couldn’t do it on my own. I gathered vigilantes and people with powers to fight evil. We called ourselves the Legion.”

Mon-El’s story was really similar from fake Mon-El’s.

She was going to kill the other one.

“I told them everything about you, and they worshipped you, just like I do. We had a ring, you know? And I put a comet on it. So I would always have you with me. I also put the outline of the glyph of the House of El on my suit, because of you. I never put the S because I wanted you to approve.”

“And I do. I approve. Everything that I have is yours. Forever.” She kissed him.

“Do you want to know my superhero name?”

“I wanted to keep kissing you, but yeah, you can tell me.”

He chucked. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of time for that after I finish my story. The name is Valor.”

That name really described everything Mon-El was, she couldn’t find a name more perfect than that one.

“It’s very fitting. You really look the part.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, you’re courageous and brave. And bright.”

“I’m glad you like it. So, when we weren’t fighting crime, they helped me find a way back to you. It was fruitless, for five years, I fought and I fought but the only thing I couldn’t succeed on was going back. Until I found a wasteland of alien artifacts. I used them to build a ship, a time traveling one. It took me two years, but I finished it. I helped the Legion find a way to defeat their evil, and I left. I wanted to come back to moments after I left in that pod, but the ship didn’t have enough power. So I came back to seven months after. And here I am, with you.” He finished with a long breath.

“Wow, Mon-El, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m so proud of you. Everything you did was so good. But I’m sorry you had to endure seven years with no way back.” Her fingers made circles on his chest.

“You kept me going. The memory of you. And the necklace.” He showed it to her.

“You kept the necklace.” She breathed out.

“Of course I did. How wouldn’t I? I love you.”

Her heart was about to melt. “I love you too.”

“Now, what was it about you wanting to kiss me?”

“Yeah, let’s get to that.”

They started kissing, their love displaying on every touch, every caress, every whispered word.

Soon, their clothes were discarded, and they found their way to the bed.

 

* * *

 

 

“Okay, is she going to come back? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve been waiting for like, an hour.” Winn broke the silence they had been in since Kara left.

Alex was happy for her sister, but a part of her was fuming. She couldn’t believe Kara ran away with a guy who just woke up and needed to be interrogated, when she had clearly warned her not to jump into it.

She never listened.

“First of all,” Alex said, “I can’t believe we’ve been sitting here waiting for them to come back instead of going back to our own business. Second of all, I can’t believe we’re sitting here with this guy, who seems to be an impostor.”

Mon-El jumped, clearly mad. “I’m not an impostor! I can’t believe Kara fell for that guy’s act.”

“I know he wasn’t lying. Anyone with eyes could see it. He loves her. Not like others.” She snapped at him, rolling her eyes.

“Are you implying that I don’t—“

“Enough!” J’onn interrupted. “Both of you. Alex, we can’t arrest him until we have solid evidence that he’s a fake. That’s why we need Supergirl here. Mon-El, behave.”

“So who’s going to get her?” Winn asked.

They all looked at Alex. “What?! No way. I’m not going there.”

“You’re the only one who has a key to her apartment. Go.” J’onn stated.

“I’m not going. We all know what’s going on down there. I don’t want to walk into anything.”

“Ugh.” Mon-El complained.

“Well, then call her.” Winn suggested. “If she picks up, you’ll be saved.”

“Fine.”

One ring. Two rings. Kara wasn’t picking up.

Alex begged all the gods she knew to make her pick up. She really didn’t want to go to her apartment.

Four rings. Five rings. _“Hello?”_

“Kara! Wait, you were sleeping? Really?”

_“I was. Having sex with someone who has superpowers like me can be quite exhausting, you know.”_

“Oh God, shut up. Stop talking about that. I’m going to die. Anyway, we need you here at the DEO. It’s important.”

_“Fine. We’ll be there. Give me ten minutes.”_

“Ten minutes? You can literally be here in a second, why would you... oh no, you know what? Don’t answer. Just get here.” She hung up.

“So? What happened?” Winn asked.

“She’s coming. And I’m officially traumatized.”

 

* * *

 

  
“Look who decided to show up.” The guy who had been acting as Mon-El said sarcastically.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I had to answer to a fake.” Kara bit back.

“I’m not fake! Damn it!”

“Yeah? Then who the hell are you, mate?” Her Mon-El asked.

“I’m—“

“Okay, now that you’re here, let’s hear your story.” J’onn said.

Mon-El proceeded to tell them everything he had already told her.

She couldn’t help but be in awe of him. He was so brave, he got over every obstacle life put in his path, he fought evil valiantly, and he eventually came back. He truly was a hero. A light.

“Wow, he’s... real. I believe him.” Winn spoke after he finished.

Alex nodded. “Me too.”

Kara looked to J’onn.

“Well, if he is telling the truth, then who is the bearded one?”

“I don’t know. But I’m going to kill him.” Kara walked towards him, her fist already in the air.

“Wait! Wait! Hold your horses.” Winn made her stop. “What if he’s from a different timeline?”

“You’re right. He could be. I can’t kill him yet.” She lowered her fist.

“It’s not worth it, babe.” Her boyfriend smiled at her.

“Who are you calling babe?” The bearded Mon-El asked, annoyed.

“He’s my boyfriend. He can call me whatever he wants.” She then directed her attention to everyone else. “This one’s mine. You can keep investigating were the other one came from.”

“Are you leaving? Where are you going?” Alex asked.

“We’re going on a date.” Kara smiled and grabbed beard-less Mon-El’s hand. “Love, we have to get going. I still need to get ready.”

“Okay. Bye Winn, we’ll catch up later.” He winked at him.

Then she had a brilliant idea to make the other Mon-El pay for all the pain he had caused her.

“Wait!” She stopped her boyfriend. “I forgot something.”

“What is it?”

She kissed him, long and passionate.

“Now we can go.”

The look on bearded Mon’s face was priceless. Ah, revenge was so sweet.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Kara said as Winn and Alex explained something to her, “there’s two Mon-Els because they come from alternative timelines?”

Winn nodded. “Yes, but we still don’t know where their story changes, and we also don’t know why they’re both here. We’re figuring it out.”

“It’s not easy since Mon-El has been very secretive about the future and Mon-El just arrived. Wait, I’m confused and it’s starting to annoy me,” Alex furrowed her brows, “we need to call them differently. At least physically we can separate them because of the beard.”

“You’re right, this is giving me a headache. What do you guys think we should call them?” Kara asked.

“Well, your boyfriend could be called Mon-El, and the married-to-Imra one could be called Mike Matthews.” Winn suggested.

That was wrong in so many ways. Mike Matthews was a special name to her, she named him. She wouldn’t let someone else take it away.

“No, not Mike Matthews. Let’s call him Lar Gand. Like his father.”

“Okay, that’s weird, but I’m tired of this, so I agree. We just have to let him know.” Alex looked at her pointedly.

“What? I’m not going to talk to that man.”

“That man was the one you were pining for just days ago.”

“He’s not my Mon-El. He’s different.”

“I know he is.”

“Then let Winn tell him. They’re friends.”

“What?” He intervened. “I feel betrayed too, you know. I’m missing out on hanging out with my actual best friend because I have to go talk to the brooding Lar Gand?”

“Well, I want to hang out with your best friend too, and I’m his priority.” She flipped her hair. “So, you’ll have to go.”

Winn rolled his eyes. “Fine, but you so owe me for this. You’ll have to share Mon-El with me tonight.”

She chuckled. “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

  
“MON-EEEEEEEEL I’M HOOOOMEEEE” She yelled as she waltzed into their apartment.

“I know you’re copying me. But I love it.” He greeted her with a kiss.

“Mm, I missed you while I was away.”

“Yeah?”

She grinned. “Yeah, I did.”

He gave her another peck. “I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

He pointed to a bag of potstickers on the living room table.

“Yes! I love you.”

“That’s not all. I rented La La Land, so we can watch it together. I know you love it.”

“You keep surprising me. I don’t know how to step up anymore.”

“I just do it because I love you. And I’m grateful. I want this afternoon to be perfect.”

“Me too, because Winn said I had to share you with him tonight.”

“Wow, things are going to get spicy.”

She laughed at his joke. She had really missed him, his jokes, his laugh, his everything.

Nothing could tear them apart.

“I love you. I will never get tired of telling you that.” Mon-El hugged her.

“And I you. We’re getting cheesy.”

“Well, can you blame us? We’ve literally been apart for seven months and seven years.”

“Yeah, I think we’ve earned the right to be cheesy.”

Kara’s phone rang as soon as they made themselves comfortable on the couch. “Of course we can’t just relax and watch a movie.” She complained.

“Kara, we need you and Mon-El to come to the Legion ship.”

“We’re on our way.” She hung up and rolled her eyes.

“What is it?” Mon-El asked.

“They need us on the Legion ship.”

“Wait, the Legion is here?”

“Yes, I told you already. But they don’t remember you, they are from a different timeline.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just... I never thought I’d see them again.” He looked down and fidgeted with his fingers.

She held his hands. “Hey, it’s okay, I’ll be there by your side.”

He smiled. “You’re right. I’ll be fine, as long as you’re with me.”

“That’s my boy. Now let’s get going.”

 

  
“Mon-El! I’ve missed you, you haven’t even spared me a glance since you arrived. My vanity is piqued.” Winn hugged him.

“Come on, man. You know I would never forget you. You’re always in my heart.”

“Aww, this is the cutest bromance ever. Let’s do a group hug.” Kara joined their embrace.

“Kara, you’re crushing us.” Mon-El said breathlessly.

“Sorry.”

“Let’s go. I can’t believe I’m moving faster than you guys.” Winn walked ahead of them.

 

 

Alex, J’onn, Lar and Imra were already there waiting.

“So, this is Mon-El. Mon-El, this is Imra.”

“Kara, you didn’t tell me we were going to a snake exhibition.” Mon-El told her, his expression very serious.

She fought the urge to laugh.

Was he calling Imra a snake? Oh, that was golden.

“Why do you...” she tried to hold her laugh, “say that?”

“That’s Imra. She betrayed me. Us.”

“What are you talking about?” Lar asked.

She noticed his eyes looked beautiful with that suit on.

Rao, it was difficult having two copies of the man she loved.

“She controlled my mind while we were on a mission. She made me believe Kara never loved me, and that she sent me away on purpose so she could get rid of me. She also made the other members believe awful things too. And the worst part is that she wasn’t sorry.”

Kara’s eyes started to glow blue. She really wanted to melt that woman.

“I would never do that.” Imra looked dazzled.

“Well, you did.” Kara and Mon-El said at the same time.

They really were that couple.

“I’m going to vomit with all this cheesiness. Let’s get to business.” Of course, Alex had to be the one who said that.

“We’ve found differences between Lar’s future and Mon-El’s.” J’onn showed them a timeline.

“So, I had to go to another planet while we were on a mission, while Mon-El didn’t.” Lar pointed out. “And I married Imra.”

“What the hell? You agreed to marry her? Are you stupid? And you claimed to love Kara? I can’t believe this.” Mon-El stood in front of his counterpart, fuming.

“I did love Kara.” Lar merely whispered.

“Doesn’t look like it.” Mon-El turned to face everyone. “While I didn’t marry that woman, I was told I needed to marry her. I didn’t, because I couldn’t bear the thought of betraying my only love. The marriage is arranged. They were forced to marry to keep the peace between worlds.”

So Lar had lied to her about the marriage? He spoke about how he still cared about her, but yet he didn’t care to tell her the truth.

That made her feel betrayed and hurt, even if she had let go of him.

“Okay, so we can point that out as another difference.” Winn marked a spot on the line.

“I think we should call someone who knows about this. We’ve never worked with time travel before, much less with different timelines.” Kara said.

“What are you suggesting?”

“We need to call the Legends.”

“Oh no, no way.” Alex groaned.

“Yes way.”

“It’s embarrassing. What am I going to tell Sara?”

“I don’t know, but you should start thinking, because you’re the one who’s going to call her.”

“What? Why me?”

“Because if you do, she’ll come in a heartbeat. And we need to solve this as soon as possible.”

“Get on to it. This reunion is over.” J’onn dismissed them.

“Hey, Kara.” Mon-El took her hand. “Before we leave, I want to show you something.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see. I’m pretty sure this ship has it too.”

He walked her through the whole ship, and they still hadn’t reached their destination.

“How long is this going to take?” She whined.

“Patience, babe. We’re getting there.” He opened a door. “This is it.”

Kara couldn’t believe her eyes. There was a statue of her in the middle of the room.

“Wow, did you do this?”

“Yes. I wanted everyone to see you, to understand why you are so important to me, so I made this statue in your memory. I would come here every day to talk to you, even if I was literally talking to marble.”

She wondered what she did to deserve him. He really was such a good, selfless person. He dedicated his life to her. She couldn’t be more grateful.

“Thank you, for all you did. You have no idea how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.”

He kissed her, making the butterflies in her stomach fly all over the place.

They were inside their own world, with nothing to bother them.

 

What they didn’t know was that his counterpart was watching them, a tear rolling down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes you guys feel a little less confused.


	5. Chapter 5

“KAAAAARAAAAA I’M HEREEEEEE”

“Mon-El! We’re at the DEO! You just broke everyone’s ears.”

“I’m sorry, love. I just missed you.”

“We literally just saw each other at home. I just left earlier because someone didn’t want to get out of bed.”

Kara walked over to her boyfriend to greet him with a kiss, and some agents that were passing by looked at them, impressed.

Mon-El clapped his hands to get every single person in the room’s attention. “Okay everyone, big news. Kara and I are dating again. Yes, it’s awesome. Yes, we’re very happy and your jealousy is appropriate. We’ll be signing autographs at the end of the day, we really appreciate your support.”

“I can’t believe you just did that.” She fought her urge to smile.

“What? It’s tradition. And I’m arranging a parade this time.”

“Oh no. You’re crazy.”

“And you love me for it.”

Kara laced her hands behind his neck. “Well, I totally—“

A loud cough came from behind them.

It was Lar.

The universe really liked to make things awkward for her.

“Lar! How are you? How’s the ship going?” She asked politely.

“I’m... fine,” he half-smiled, “and the ship’s getting better. Though I’m still getting used to being called Lar.”

“We’ll fix this. You will get back to your timeline.”

“Yeah, about that...”

“Hey, how’s Brainy? Winn told me he’s with you, but I haven’t seen him around.” Mon-El interrupted his counterpart mid-sentence.

“Oh, he’s great. He’s just focusing all his energy in getting the ship back to a 100%. How are you guys?”

Kara really dreaded that question. After all, he told her he still cared about her, even if it was in a friendly way, and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Even though she already had hurt him on purpose. She felt guilty.

“We’re great, everything’s good.” Thank Rao, Mon-El had answered for her.

And it was the truth. They were really great. Their relationship was on its moment of glory, and she felt more love for him, if that was even possible, every day.

But a part of her knew it was too good to be true. A huge storm was coming.

“Supergirl! There’s an armed robbery for you on the harbor.” Alex shouted.

“I’m on it. Bye, babe.” She hugged Mon-El.

“Bye. Be safe.”

She headed for the balcony, but Lar jogged after her. “Kara! When you finish this, can we talk? Alone?”

His eyes were like comets.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be here in a few minutes. Meet me at the conference room.”

She suddenly wanted to fall unconscious before getting back.

 

* * *

 

  
“What happened? Is something wrong?” Kara immediately asked as she entered the room where Lar was sitting.

“Yes, there’s something wrong. But I don’t know how to talk to you about this.”

She examined his features. The daxamite was fiddling with his fingers, his shoulders slumped. His eyes were downcast, and to accompany that the dark circles under them were huge. And he looked so skinny.

Her heart broke for the hundredth time in just a month. She really hated seeing him like that.

“Talk to me. Please.” She moved to sit beside him.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Gods, I’m so sorry. I swear to Rao, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I let you down.”

“No, don’t say—“

“Please, let me finish.”

She nodded.

He finally dared to look directly into her eyes, and she noticed his eyes had turned into a stormy grey, like the sky before a rainfall.

“Kara, I... you have no idea how much I regret everything I’ve done since I got here. I hurt your feelings, I made you feel worthless, and I’m never going to forgive myself for it. Marrying Imra was one of the worst decisions I have ever made, and I realized that a long time ago. Not only because I don’t love her like that, but because I betrayed the love of my life. Gods, I’ve been so miserable ever since. And I also lied to you about the marriage, because I knew Reign was coming, and I didn’t want her to use me as a bait to get to you, so I pushed you away. Now I know it was the wrong choice. I could’ve spared you the sadness, and we could have been together, and I would have loved you for all eternity. Seeing you with another version of me is torture, Kara, it’s killing me, because I’m jealous of myself. He’s the one who gets to hold you, who gets to tell you how much he loves you, and he’s the one who gets your devotion and love. I wish it was me. I wish I would’ve been honest with you, from the beginning, and maybe we would be together. Maybe none of this would have happened if I hadn’t made the wrong choice. I’m so sorry.” He started crying and sobbing uncontrollably. “I regret everything so much.” He held head in his hands.

Kara was left speechless. He was Mon-El. Not a fake version, like she had led herself to believe, just to avoid having feelings for two people who were exactly the same. His speech proved he was her Mon-El, too. There were two of them.

Her heart was torn apart with conflict.

But she couldn’t let him be sad. She would think about herself later.

“Don’t cry. Please. I know you did everything for me, I’m the one who is sorry. I completely misjudged you and pushed you aside, when your intentions were good. I was unfair.”

She grabbed his hands to put them away from his head. “Hey, look at me.”

There was the most heartbreaking sight she had ever seen in her life. His eyes were completely red, still watery, and his cheeks were strained with the tears that had fallen. His shoulders shook with his sobs.

“Please, don’t cry. I beg you. Especially not because of me, I have been everything but fair to you.”

“I deserve it. I was a jerk.”

“No, you were not. You have never been. You’re so good to everyone, you’re so kind. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“Kara, I don’t feel good about myself. I’m a failure.”

She couldn’t take it anymore, it was torture watching him tearing himself apart.

She reached for the back of her neck, and got the necklace off to hand it to him. “This is yours.”

His eyes widened, like he was horrified. “No, I could never deserve—“

“Shh. No, stop. This necklace is yours. I want you to have it back.” She opened his hand to place it on his palm.

“But I don’t—“

“Shh. Don’t talk. Just keep it, because even tough you don’t believe me, I know you truly deserve it, for everything you’ve done, and for being the person I always knew you were. Do you trust me?” She said softly.

He looked up from the necklace on his hand. “With all my heart.”

“Then trust that what I’m saying is true. I’m not lying to you.”

He nodded.

She couldn’t fight the urge to embrace him.

He was shocked, to say the least, but he hugged her back.

“Thank you, Kara.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I will always care about you.”

They embraced in silence for a few moments, until he cleared his throat.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Anything.”

“Do you love me?”

She pulled away to look at him. She already knew the answer, and she couldn’t lie to him.

“Yes.”

It was like he had been holding his breath since the moment she got there. He let out a loud, shaky breath, and gasped.

“I never thought you would love me. After all I did.”

“Of course I do. And I always will.”

“I feel there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“But I’m already in a relationship with Mon-El, and I love him. So much. I would never betray him.”

He sighed. “I know.”

“I love him. And I love you. Because, oh my God, you’re the same person. You both are the Mon-El I found in that pod a year ago. But he’s my boyfriend, and he’s always going to be, if nothing gets in the way. He’s the love of my life. I don’t regret being with him. But I do regret hurting you, and I hate myself for it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t hate yourself. You’re doing the right thing. Being with him makes you happy, makes you feel loved, and that’s all I want for you. I’m satisfied just to see how happy you are. Just... don’t be a stranger.”

He smiled, but if she was honest, that was the most fake smile she had ever seen. And she couldn’t do anything about it.

“I won’t be. I promise.”

“Good. I need to get back to the ship, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He didn’t even wait for her to respond, he just turned around and left, almost using his super speed.

 

Kara just stood there, with the millions of pieces of her heart scattered all over the floor, and her mind storming with thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

Kara knew she had been acting weird since her conversation with Lar, which had just happened 24 hours ago.

She couldn’t focus on anything. When she got home, she barely looked at Mon-El, who was extremely worried, but also respected her silence.

She knew she needed to talk to him. But what would she say? Maybe ‘hey, Mon-El, I just had a conversation with Lar about his feelings for me, and by the way, he still loves me’?

The whole situation was a mess. Her feelings were all over the place.

She didn’t know how to stop hurting Lar. The last thing she wanted was to see him in pain, but also she would never, ever, break up with Mon-El. Because she loved him. More than anything in her life.

They would have to keep the PDA to a minimum. It was for the best, although she ached to touch him at any chance she could.

She needed to find a solution to this mess, but she was afraid of the outcome.

Mon-El was like a God. He looked like he never committed a sin since he left, and that scared her. What if he wasn’t real? She couldn’t lose him again, that truly would be her undoing.

But what if Lar wasn’t real? She would live with guilt weighing on her heart forever.

Kara wanted to scream. She wished everything was just a nightmare, that she would wake up in Mon-El’s arms like nothing had happened.

But it wasn’t possible.

Instead, she was stuck on a confusing situation, with no clue of what would happen next.

She barely heard Mon-El enter the room and sit beside her on the bed, where she had been laying down on for the past four hours, barely moving.

“Kara, please tell me something. I’m worried.” His brows were furrowed in a way she hadn’t seen them before.

She wasn’t prepared to face him. “It’s nothing. I’m just... tired.”

That was so lame.

He glared at her with a you can’t lie to me look. “That’s not it. Kara, I can tell that your heart is uneasy.”

He always saw through her. She couldn’t hide anything from him. She had to tell him.

“I... I talked to Lar.” She sighed. “And he said he still had feelings for me. He still loves me.”

“I know.” Mon-El said calmly.

“Wait what?”

He held her left hand and caressed her knuckles. “I see the way he looks at you, I see it’s killing him inside to see us together. And he’s me, I never stopped loving you when I was away, he didn’t either.”

“I just feel so guilty, Mon-El. At first, when you arrived, all I wanted was to hurt him, like he hurt me. But I was so very wrong, and I can’t undo the damage I caused him. I was so selfish, I didn’t stop to realize his true feelings.”

He smiled. “Kara, everyone can be selfish at one point of their life, it’s normal. The most important part is recognizing it, and learning from your mistakes. You did that. Now you know better. All you have to do is look forward.”

She pushed herself up with her elbows to reach his face. “You always know what to say. Thank you.”

“What can I say? I learned from the best.”

She kissed him sweetly, pouring all her gratitude into the kiss.

He pulled away after a few seconds. “I know you’re still upset.”

She opened her eyes. “A little bit.”

“You don’t want to hurt him. And that’s okay. But don’t beat yourself up, babe. You’re a good person, maybe the greatest in the world. Please don’t think otherwise.” He kissed her forehead.

“I’ll try.”

Her phone rang. It was Alex. “Kara, the Legends are here, meet us at the Waverider.”

“We’re on our way.”

 

* * *

 

“Sara! It’s so good to see you!” Kara greeted her friend with a hug.

“Well, I couldn’t stop myself from helping you and my best girl.” Alex blushed furiously behind her. “Who’s your handsome companion?”

“He’s Mon-El, my boyfriend. Mon-El, this is Sara.” She introduced them.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mon-El. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Sara shook his hand.

Mon-El lifted an eyebrow and smirked at Kara. “Ah, really? Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you too, Sara. I always wanted to meet a Legend.”

Sara laughed. “Wow, Kara, you got yourself a real Prince Charming.”

“Hey!” Ray and Nate appeared, waving at her.

“Hey guys! How are you?” She smiled.

“We’re fine, now that we’re seeing you.” Ray said, and then his eyes widened. “I mean... what?”

She laughed, and Mon-El glared at him a little bit angrily.

“So, what’s the issue?” Sara intervened.

“This is going to be hard to explain, but here we go. I had to send Mon-El away, so he wouldn’t die, and I spent seven months not knowing what happened to him.” She noticed the sad looks the Legends were giving her. “Then, a ship that had been under the sea for twelve thousand years got activated, and we went there to investigate what was happening. Mon-El was inside.” She paused to see the confusion on their faces. “Yeah, that was my face too. Anyway, he told us he had been living in the 31st century, and that it had been seven years for him, instead of seven months. Fast forward, just days ago a ship was about to crash on the city, and I had to stop it. When I went inside, Mon-El was there.”

They stood in awkward silence for a few seconds, until Sara broke it. “So, you’re telling me there’s two Mon-Els?”

“Yes, and apparently they come from different timelines. We call the other one Lar Gand. Their stories are almost the same, but they change at some points.”

“Okay, I see why you called us. Gideon, did you catch that?”

_“Yes, Captain. I’m running scans for aberrations right now.”_

“Wow, this ship is awe and some. It’s better than the Legion’s.” Mon-El looked around in awe.

“You’re so cute.” Kara kissed his cheek.

_“I found something, Captain. It appears you broke time on other Earths too.”_

“What do you mean, Gideon?”

_“The timequake you produced by meeting with your past selves rippled through this Earth. It caused an alteration in Mon-El of Daxam’s departure.”_

“What kind of alteration?”

_“While he was on space, the timequake created an aberration, splitting him into two.”_

“So... one of them isn’t real?” Kara was starting to panic. No, this couldn’t be happening. Not again.

_“You are correct. The Mon-El who is standing here is an aberration.”_

“What? So you’re not... Mon-El... you’re not from here.” The room was closing in on her, making her head ache.

“Kara, breathe. I’m here with you.” She barely heard Mon-El through all the noise inside of her head.

She felt her eyes start to close, and her body going limp.

 

* * *

 

 

She woke up to white lights, and Mon-El sitting beside her.

“Kara, are you okay?”

“How can you ask that? I’m not okay. You’re not real.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, I guess I should’ve noticed. You are so perfect. It was too good to be true.” She let her tears fall.

“Kara, you’ll never be alone. I will always, always be by your side. Just not this version of me.”

“But you’re the one I wanted.” She spoke through her sobs. “I can’t lose you again.”

“You won’t. You will have me, in Lar. He loves you.” He cleaned his tears with his thumb.

“That’s not enough for me!”

“Kara, please, you have to understand. If I stay here, terrible things could happen, because I’m an aberration. We need to fix this.”

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

“You have to. You’re strong, Kara. You’re going to protect the world.”

She didn’t think she was strong enough for that. Losing him all over again. She was already starting to drown back into depression, the dark parts of her mind coming to the surface again.

She didn’t want to protect the ungrateful world. They would never know how much she sacrificed for them, and they would keep on judging her, like they always did. They didn’t deserve Mon-El’s sacrifice.

But then again, her heart told her it was wrong to risk the whole world just because of her selfish desires.

Losing him was going to be the end of her humanity. There was nothing tying her to it. Supergirl would never be seen again.

She remembered Lar, who told her he loved her just hours ago.

The thought of him made her stop.

But whatever she could ever have with him was broken since Mon-El arrived, and with his disappearance it would shatter beyond repair.

Because how could she go back to Lar, when she was just in a relationship with another version of him? That was not fair to either of them.

He would have to accept her change. Maybe one day they would fix things.

But first, she would grieve. No one would meddle in her life, or tell her what to do. She needed to grieve him. Again.

Her gut had been right before. Her mind had told her to let it go.

She didn’t listen. And the outcome was awful.

“Will I remember you?” She wanted to. He didn’t deserve to just be wiped out of existence.

“Yes, you will.”

“I am always going to love you.”

“And I you, Kara. Don’t forget that. Promise me that you’ll be happy.”

No. She wouldn’t be happy in a long time. That wasn’t possible in the near future.

“I can’t promise you that.”

“At least try.” He bent down to kiss her forehead. “Try for me.”

“Okay.”

“Are you feeling well now? We need to tell you the plan.”

“I’m not. But let’s do this.”

 

* * *

 

  
“So the quake happened when Mon-El entered the black hole. We have to travel back in time to that moment, so the Waverider’s energy field can attract the quake and Mon-El can keep going unharmed.” Sara explained.

“Is that possible?” Kara inquired. What if that didn’t work?

“It is. This ship has many talents.” Ray assured her.

“Kara, are you ready to do this?” Alex asked, her concern clear in her voice.

“Yeah.” She said weakly, and grabbed her soon-to-be ex boyfriend’s hand.

“Be strong.”

“Gideon, plot a course for 2017. Black hole in space.”

_“Right away, Captain.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“We’re here. Gideon, activate the energy field. The quake could happen at any moment now.”

In the window, Kara saw Mon-El’s pod. Oh, how she wished she could just turn it back around and find a way to cure him herself, so they wouldn’t have to go through heartbreak again.

But the universe seemed to always be against her.

Suddenly, the ship shook violently.

“Gideon! Absorb the quake! Now!” Sara commanded.

“Everyone, hold on to something.”

She held on to Mon-El, her anchor, who was about to disappear and make her sink down to the bottom of the sea.

“I love you.” She couldn’t let him go without saying it again.

“I love you.”

He started to fade. Kara’s eyes flooded with tears, as she tried to hold on to him.

“Goodbye, my love.” He smiled.

 

Then, in just a moment, he vanished.

 

_”Goodbye.”_


	7. Chapter 7

So that was it. Her life was destroyed again.

Kara had fled the Waverider as soon as they got back to the present, and flew away as far as her mind wanted. She stopped when she realized she was halfway across Europe.

She decided to go back, but not to National City. If she did, everyone would start trying to talk to her, and she wasn’t sure she could stop herself from burning them with heat vision.

She landed in the Fortress, where no one could reach her.

Her sanity was falling into an endless void, and she didn’t think she could recover it. The pain inside of her was unbearable.

The love of her life was gone again. She only got a handful of days full of joy with him, and then it was taken away abruptly. He had brought her light and hope when she had none, and they flickered out again when he vanished.

Kara didn’t have a single peaceful thought inside her head. All she could think of was pain, rage, and darkness.

Pain, because of the loss she suffered. It couldn’t go away.

Rage, because he sacrificed himself twice for a world that would never recognize his heroism.

Darkness, because all she wanted was revenge. She didn’t know on who. Maybe on Lilian, because she gave her that disgraceful device that led to his departure.

Maybe on Rhea, if she could, because she was the one who started all of it. Nothing would’ve happened if it wasn’t for her.

Maybe she wanted revenge on herself, for pushing the button knowing that Mon-El would die. Or for not thinking of a better way to keep him safe.

Being Kara Danvers was a mistake. She let herself get close to people, she thought she could be happy in a relationship. She’d been so wrong. Kara Danvers sucked.

“What about Mon-El?” Her mind seemed to whisper.

Oh no. Lar. Well, there was no point on calling him Lar anymore.

Mon-El had just confessed his love for her. And he probably would look for her when he heard about what happened.

She didn’t want to look at him. It would just remind her of what she lost, and that wasn’t good for his (or anyone’s) sake. He would say how sorry he was, which would only make things worse.

It would be so wrong to jump right back into his arms when she had been with his counterpart just moments before. She didn’t feel it was fair.

She got herself up from the floor, where she had been sitting for Rao knows how long, and roamed through the Fortress.

The past days had been an illusion, and she was roughly brought back to reality. Why couldn’t she be happy? Didn’t she deserve happiness? Maybe the answer was that she didn’t. After all, she was a survivor among several millions of people, who might had deserved to be saved more than her. Unhappiness must’ve been her punishment.

She was alone again. Like she had been for the past eight months. But the second hurt more, because she saw him fade away right in front of her eyes.

That sight would be attached to her mind forever.

A voice from behind her made her jump. “I thought you would be here.”

No. No. Not him. The last thing she wanted was to see him.

He stood there, and just looking at him brought tears into her eyes.

“Please, leave me alone.” She couldn’t handle him at that moment.

He sighed. “Kara, don’t do this. Let me in.”

She started making her way to the entrance. “I can’t do that right now.”

He jogged after her, as always. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard for you, but....”

She turned around a little bit too violently. “Can you not? If you know it’s hard for me, why do you say it? That wouldn’t make anyone feel better.”

“You’re right. Sorry. I just wanted you to know that I re—“

“You know what? I can’t keep doing this. Bye, Lar. I mean, Mon-El. Whatever.”

“But Kara, I rem—“

She was already gone before he finished the sentence.

 

* * *

 

Kara considered moving to a new apartment. She knew that it was a matter of time before someone went to knock on her door, like they had done before.

But not Alex. Her sister knew better than to bother her.

Sure enough, there was a knock minutes after she sat on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling.

She didn’t even have the energy to send them away.

A blonde woman entered the loft. It was Sara.

Kara put the most neutral face she could muster. “Sara! I thought you guys had already left.” She motioned for her to sit on the couch.

“Yeah, we had to fix a few aberrations you had in here. And I wanted to talk to you.”

She didn’t like were the conversation was going. “What is it?”

Sara shifted. “Kara, I’m so sorry. It’s my fault you’re going through this. I didn’t stop to think about consequences when I encountered my past self.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. You saved the world, am I right?” Sara nodded. “Then you have nothing to worry about. You did what you had to do.”

Sara’s mouth quirked a bit upwards. “Yeah, but still. There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Go ahead.”

“There’s... an aberration that we need to take care of. The Legion. We need to take them back to their time.”

She could hear the hesitation on Sara’s tone, and could see the question in her eyes.

She was asking for her permission.

Taking them back to their time would mean she wouldn’t see Mon-El again. Because he was the leader of that team.

It would be better not to see him again. He wouldn’t be there to remind her of what she lost every single day.

Still, a part of her heart begged to let him in. But she couldn’t. Not after losing him twice.

She wasn’t meant to love. Or to be loved. Her punishment as the only survivor of her planet was losing the person she loved the most. Constantly.

That wouldn’t happen again. With him gone, she didn’t have to worry about loss.

She was cursed. And she wouldn’t drag him into her mess again. Even though her heart ached to be close to him.

Besides, hadn’t he said his DNA was needed to defeat whatever evil there was in the future? That if they didn’t have his part of the code, they couldn’t defeat it?

He would never avoid his duties. He was a good man.

He had grown so much in seven months. Or seven years.

He was better off without her.

_Let him go._

She took a deep breath. “Yeah. I get it.”

Sara’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“Of course. We can’t risk changing the timeline.”

“Okay, I need to start the preparations. Do you want to come?”

No. She couldn’t see him again. “No. I’ll just stay here.”

“Sure. I’ll tell Alex to text you when we finish.”

Sara made her way out and closed the door behind her.

She was alone again.

 

* * *

 

 

Just two hours later, as Kara was laying down on the couch, her fingers fidgeting with a picture of her and Mon-El, her phone’s screen lit up with a text.

“ _They’re gone.”_

 

He was gone. She let him go.

 

“Goodbye, Mon-El. I love you.”


	8. Chapter 8

It had been an hour since she received the message that said he was gone.

Kara hadn’t even moved a finger since. Her energy was gone.

She kept reminding herself that it was for the best. No more loses. No more heartbreak.

But her heart was already broken beyond repair. She couldn’t fix it.

She hoped Mon-El would find happiness. He deserved everything that was good on the world. He was the best person she ever knew.

She just wanted him to stop being so sad all the time. Maybe he would find his peace, with his team, his family, in the future.

She wasn’t his family anymore. The fact pounded in her chest.

  
Her eyes started to close.

 

* * *

 

 

_The field. She felt so free, so careless. She didn’t have to worry about anything._

_She walked with her eyes closed, her arms extended, and breathing in the fresh air._

_A hand touched hers._

 

“ _Kara.”_

_Her Mon-El stood centimeters away from her face, a smile gracing his features._

_She raised a hand to caress his cheek, as he leaned into the touch. “My love.”_

_He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’m here.”_

_Her hand moved to his hair, gently touching it. She closed her eyes. “I love you.”_

_“I love you.”_

_His kiss was filled with love and affection, so soft that she couldn’t help but melt into it._

_She never wanted to let go. He was hers._

_“Kara Zor-El, I will always, always be by your side.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_She hugged him tightly, her face buried on his chest. “I never want to be without you.”_

_He hugged her back just as strongly, and he inhaled the scent of her hair. “I know. I’m yours. Forever.”_

_They just stayed like that for a long time, until she broke the silence._

_“I want us to be like this all the time. With nothing stopping us.”_

_“Me too. But we can’t.”_

_Her heart dropped. “What? Why?”_

_“You’re dreaming, Kara. Wake up.”_

 

* * *

 

It was a dream. It never happened.

Her eyes watered for the thousandth time that day. He wasn’t there with her.

She didn’t know what to do. How to stop the pain.

Maybe the only way to stop it was to die. She wouldn’t feel anything anymore.

She didn’t have anything to live for. Nothing made her want to live.

But he wouldn’t want that, he would be disappointed.

Disappointing him was one of her worst nightmares. She couldn’t do that. She would have to keep living a half life, if it meant he wouldn’t be mad at her.

Those dreams weren’t good for her. She was so happy, for a few moments, just to be brought back to the awful reality she lived in.

They needed to stop. She wouldn’t sleep again.

Another way for the pain to go was to get drunk. And there was a bottle of Zakkarian Ale in her kitchen.

She grabbed it with super speed and flopped down on the couch again, then opened the bottle and took a big gulp from it.

The liquid burned down her throat, and the rough taste filled her mouth. She could feel her mind go numb.

She took another gulp. The taste was really starting to grow on her. It was good.

Suddenly, wind entered the apartment.

“Kara.”

She almost fell out of the couch when she heard the voice. And almost fainted when she saw the face.

“Mon-El.” Her breathing was uneven.

He looked at her hands, where she was holding the half empty bottle, and a look of hurt flashed on his eyes.

“I thought you were gone. You left.” She whispered.

“I would never leave you. I need you to listen to me. Please.” He kneeled in front of her to be at her level.

She nodded. She was too drunk to argue.

  
“Kara.... my Kara, I don’t even know where to start. When the Legends told me we were going back to the future, my heart broke. I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t let you suffer alone. I told them about what happens in the future, and they wanted to help. So we went there, and we used the codes in our DNA. With the help of the Legends, in only a matter of days, we defeated the evil. Kara, I couldn’t stay there. That’s not where I belong. I belong here, by your side. I asked Sara to bring me back. And now I’m here, because this is were I always want to be.” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I wanted to tell you that I remember. I remember the last few days with you. I remember holding you in my arms, being yours again, I remember your soft words and touches. Everything.”

She gasped. “But... how? How is that possible?”

He almost smirked. “You’re slurring your words. I don’t know how, but I remember. Everything that happened was real. You need to believe that. I know you don’t want to open your heart again, because of everything that’s happened, but I’m always here. I’ll wait for you, as long as you want. You can love again, Kara. I swear, I won’t let anything come between us, I will be here for you, whenever you need me. I love you, and I won’t leave you. I promise. I’m yours. Forever.”

“That’s what you said in my dream.”

“Because it’s true. Every word. You don’t have to fear. I’m with you, every step of the way. Whenever you’re ready.”

She couldn’t give him an answer at that moment. She was so overwhelmed by emotions, and alcohol, that she couldn’t think straight.

Her love for him was about to explode out of her body. Her dear boy was so perfect, she couldn’t contain her affection.

The crippling fear of losing him was also very present. She didn’t want to risk it.

But there he was, waiting for her, with his heart and soul open. He looked so beautiful.

“I... can’t answer you right now.”

He smiled. “That’s okay. I’m going to be here, when you need me.” He got up and kissed her forehead. “Please, take care of yourself. I love you.”

  
Kara’s heart fluttered as she watched him leave. She was already wanting to go after him, but her fear kept her in place.

What would happen if she opened her heart again? Would it be for good? Or would it be the same as last time?

The insecure part of her told her to not risk it. Bad things could happen.

But another part of her, the hopeful one, told her to take the chance. To love him.

_What you need to let go of is your fear. Be with him._

_Let the fear go._

 

Maybe that part was right. Everything was about to change.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Kara woke up to numbness.

She was still in the couch, curled up inside her red blanket, feeling a slight pounding in her head. For a few seconds, her mind was just floating. And then it all came back.

The excruciating pain of losing Mon-El. The half bottle of Zakkarian Ale she drank. Mon-El coming back and giving her that beautiful speech. Him saying that he would wait for her.

She almost jumped out of the couch at the memory. It didn’t feel real. Had it been a dream? Deep in her heart, she knew it wasn’t. He really was back, and wanted to be with her.

_“I belong here, by your side.”_

She couldn’t wrap her mind around his words. He was too perfect. Maybe not everyone thought the same, but in her eyes, he was the greatest man to ever exist. He had done everything for her, even the impossible, and she would always love him for that. He belonged by her side, as he said. She would be a fool to let him go.

But she was also afraid. They had gone through so many things. Him leaving Earth, then coming back seven years (months) later. Another version of him showing up, making her believe she could be happy again, and then seeing him fade from existence in front of her eyes. It was too much. Too much pain. She hadn’t even gotten over losing him the first time, and then she had to experience it all over again. She didn’t want to suffer anymore. More importantly, she didn’t want Mon-El to suffer.

Opening her heart again would lead to love, yes, but it would also lead to tragedy. Was she willing to risk it? She wasn’t sure. Her heart was divided. A part screamed at her to run to Mon-El’s arms and be with him, while the other told her to stay away from danger.

Oh, Kara couldn’t even begin to phantom how her love had suffered. Seven years of being away, of not finding a way back, of being alone. It must have been like hell. Would it be fair for him if they were in a relationship again? He didn’t need more pain in his life.

But he was strong, so brave. He came after her, and poured his heart out. He was willing to take the risk. If he was ready, why wouldn’t she be?

He deserved to be happy. Always. He deserved to be loved and cherished. And if the way for him to be loved was being with her, why would she deny it?

They could support each other. They could learn from each other. They could be happy.

_Let the fear go._

Yes. She was growing more and more convinced by the second. Fear wasn’t going to win over her love for him. Never. She needed to fight it.

There would be nothing stopping her and Mon-El.

She quickly got up from the couch, determination written all over her face. With super speed, she took a shower and suited up. Mon-El was going to get all the love and happiness he deserved.

 

* * *

 

 

She knocked on the door at Mon-El’s DEO quarters, her heart racing and her palms sweating.

“Coming!” His voice called.

He opened the door, and his face immediately turned into one of surprise, a big grin on his lips. “Kara! Come in.”

She grinned back, feeling the happiness radiating off of him, and followed him inside.

“What are you doing he—“

She interrupted him. She couldn’t wait any longer.

“I love you, Mon-El.”

His eyes widened, softness running across them. He looked so cute. “W-What?”

She took a deep breath, holding both of his hands on hers. “I love you, Mon-El of Daxam. I love you. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t. I will always love you. And I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll have me. You deserve all the happiness in this world, and I want to be the one to give it to you. I was scared, because I don’t want us to suffer again. But together we can face anything, I know that now. We’ll save each other.”

Mon-El’s smile was as bright as the sun, and tears were streaming down his face.

His hands were shaking. She let go of one of them to wipe his tears. “Don’t cry, babe. If you cry, I will cry. And I don’t want to stop villains with puffy eyes.”

He let out a breathy laugh. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, Kara.”

She stroked his hair. “And you’ve made me the happiest woman alive.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

He laughed again. “I know when you’re quoting something.”

She giggled along with him, until suddenly there was silence in the room. The air grew thick with tension, and she could hear both of their hearts pounding. She stepped closer to him, stopping centimeters away from his lips. Her stare went to them, and he bit his lower lip. Oh Rao, Mon-El was going to be the death of her.

She licked her lips in anticipation. “Hi, love.”

“Hi, babe.”

He didn’t move. He just stood there, waiting for her. Like he always did.

She closed the distance between them, capturing him in a soft kiss. One of his hands held hers, while the other went up to her hair. Her free hand rested on his cheek, drawing circles on it with her thumb.

_Finally._

Kara felt relief at his touch, like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. She was sure he felt the same, too, because his body was completely relaxed.

He broke the kiss, resting her forehead against her with his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

“Kara. Kara. Kara. Kara. _Kara._ ” Her name fell out of his mouth repeatedly, like a prayer.

“Yes. I’m here.”

“I’m yours, Kara.”

“I’m yours, too. Always.” She closed the gap between them once again, the kiss more heated and passionate than the one before. Her lips pressed hard against his, and her hand tugged at his hair. His tongue teased at her lower lip, and she opened her mouth to welcome it, her own tongue battling against his.

His hands traveled through her back and waist, touching the belt on her skirt, probably thinking of a way to take it off without tearing it to shreds.

She pulled back to see his eyes full of love and lust.

“Don’t you think that...” Peck. “This is hardly...” Peck. “The place to...” Peck. “Do this?”

He smiled. “Then why don’t we go to your place?”

She raised her eyebrow, teasing him. “Hmm, I didn’t know my dear boy was still so reckless.”

“I am, and you love me for it.”

“I do.”

They looked at each other in awe, trying to make sure they were both really there, that it was real.

“Mon-El! Supergirl! Reign has been spotted wrecking havoc.” Damn it. Winn’s voice interrupted their bliss over the comms.

Mon-El reluctantly let go of her. “I’m going to suit up. Wait here.”

He left and came back in a blur. She gasped upon seeing him.

He was wearing a red suit, with a blue cape. On his chest, he had the outline of her glyph.

She was speechless. “Wow, you look...”

He pretended to model. “Devilishly handsome?”

“Yes, of course. And I love the detail on your chest. Thank you, for wearing it.”

He got close to her, and kissed her hand. “Thank _you_ , Kara. It’s an honor to wear it.”

She kissed his neck, jaw and cheek, to show her gratitude.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten our plans.”

“Hm. Let’s see how you behave.”

Mon-El feigned offense. “What are you implying? I’m the model citizen.”

She winked at him. “Come on, let’s fly away.”

 

* * *

 

 

Up in the sky, Mon-El flew beside her, grinning from ear to ear. His arms were open wide, as if he were a bird. It looked like he was really happy, and her heart warmed at the sight.

He looked as radiant as the sun. She really wanted to kiss him. She sped up towards him, almost knocking him off the sky, kissing him once again between the clouds.

He’d been caught off guard. “Kara? W-What was that for?”

“For luck. Just for luck. We need it.”

“I believe we can do anything, as long as we’re together. _El mayarah._ ”

“ _El mayarah._ ”

They flew off, knowing that the future had a lot in store for them, and that they would be ready for everything. Because they were stronger together.

 

_The End._


End file.
